Managing Separation Anxiety: Week 1

Our problem with separation anxiety had been going on for a while. My daughter have been very clingy from the very beginning, as far as I can remember. I can't go to the bathroom without her tagging along, can't take a bath without leaving the bathroom open or we take a bath together. Whenever she is in the living room, I have to keep the bedroom door open so she can see me. If I am not within sight, she immediately looks for me all around the house; opening each door and checking every room while crying and screaming. Things usually get worse when we are in an unfamiliar crowd because it triggers both her separation and stranger anxiety. I dreaded parties, get togethers and reunions because these spell body aches and sores that I get from all the clinging and restraining.

Since she was diagnosed with ASD, I became more understanding and receptive to her needs. One of the ways that we thought would help her was exposing her to a new environment, to new and old people everyday, and enroll her to play school. Within 3 months of doing these almost daily, we saw significant changes with her anxiety towards strangers. She became more at ease even with new people and participating fairly well at playschool, although we managed to address her stranger anxiety the separation anxiety remained. I sit with her inside the room during therapies, stay with her inside the playschool and still does the same routine at home (taking her to the bathroom, opening doors, etc.) We already tried to manage the anxiety once before with her therapist but she fell ill for two weeks so our progress was cut short and so we had to start all over again. So here's the start of my weekly account of my 3 year old daughter's separation anxiety management.

Week 1

I have written in my previous blog post not to start teaching another skill unless you and your child are both ready. Teaching a new skill can be emotionally and physically draining for you and learning a new skill can do the same to your child.The first day was filled with screaming and a lot of tears. No matter how I prepared myself, her crying was like a prompt for me to pick her up and fight off whatever or whoever that made her cry. I fought against myself and my overprotective maternal instincts and waited patiently. Her occupational therapist said she followed every instruction and was very receptive but he let me in after 15 minutes to calm her down. My being there also served as a positive reinforcement. So this was the first day.

Second day. Following verbal instructions without being prompted. I stayed outside the room for the whole hour. She cried and screamed for 15 minutes but quieted down after. She improved in terms of listening to her therapist and following instructions. With our previous therapy sessions she clinged to me when I was inside the room to avoid doing her tasks.

The third day was a session with her speech therapist. She screamed for half an hour but most of it was to try to manipulate the people around her. My daughter knows only very few words but on that day she was able to say 'eat cake', 'brush teeth', 'water', and 'go away'. 

The process of teaching her to get rid of her separation anxiety might be a lot of work and emotionally stressful for the both of us but I am very positive that it will open her mind to listen to others, learn more, and slowly become independent.