Voice Lessons

       Nope I am not learning how to sing. On the contrary, I lost my voice. If you have a kid like mine, I am sure you know that it is one of the most important weapons in our arsenal. My daughter knows how to interpret my tone of voice better than she can decipher my facial expression. I lost my voice because of sleepless nights, my daughter had colds and it was disturbing her sleep and naturally, mine too. I woke up feeling a lump in my throat and my first word of the day which was 'Glimmer' (my daughter's name) came out like a whisper. Then, I immediately thought 'Oh No!' she doesn't listen to anyone but me, won't follow instructions unless it comes from me, more than that, how can I sing along at playschool? My daughter loves nursery rhymes and it is one way for her to connect to others and enjoy at the same time! I cannot afford to lose my voice!

       Playschool and therapy sessions came and went and I had to force my voice out.(Btw I join all of her activities even at therapies because she is very anxious without me and we are still trying to sort this problem out) My throat was so strained after a day so I was forced to think of some alternative and made some realizations as well.

Realization No.1 My body was already telling me to stop and listen to her. She was probably getting tired of me talking and nagging all day that she wanted me to stop. I also think that she thought my daughter was already having more than an earful of instructions in a day so I had to shut up! She needed the vocal rest so she got it with or without my consent. Way to go vocal cords!

Realization No.2 It was probably God's way of teaching me another technique because without my voice, I had to prompt her to look at me in the eye and make her try to understand with the little voice I have left. Now, at least we got to have more eye contacts and I just realized it as I'm writing it down, jeez!

No.3 I have to practice my daughter to learn how to listen to other voices and to other people, by the time I get to have my voice back. It will be less straining to my vocals and increases her interaction with other people. But I am sure that before it happens, it will require a little more coaching and of course vocal straining but I am very positive that it will work out for the better.

No. 4 Take care of my voice. Now I know how seriously important it is for a mom of a kid with autism to keep her voice intact. I should start favoring warm drinks more than cold ones now.

No. 5 Do not force my voice out! Apart from the fact that it is painful, it is also dangerous. It may damage my vocal cords. Losing my voice is an indication that my vocal cords are inflamed and bacteria may already be present. If not treated, bacterial microorganisms may go down to your heart. 

So, there goes my voice lessons. Having no voice for a time is a blessing in disguise. Made me a little wiser and calmer.

Suspecting Autism? Don't Be Afraid

From the moment your little bundle of joy arrives into the world, you want to give nothing but the best. You hold her into your arms and you start thinking about giving her the toys that you weren't able to get when you were still a child, watching and singing to the same Disney movies that you loved. Fast forward to toddler-hood, you see her finishing school and getting the life that you think is best for her or him. That's how optimistic and hopeful parents are, a day old baby in our arms and we start thinking about sending her to college! Maybe this is another factor why a lot of parents find it hard to accept the diagnosis. I have also been there. I went through denial, depression, and finally acceptance. Most of these emotions was probably because of selfishness. I had this perfect vision of how I see my daughter's future but I did not see Autism coming.

As early as 18 months old, I began noticing that my daughter was a little different from other kids. She does not respond when her name is called, doesn't point, doesn't call me 'mama', doesn't wave and was very anxious whenever we are with new people or a new environment. I had a suspicion, but I waived the thought. After-all, she loved playing peek-a-boo, she smiles a lot, loves to be tickled, and hugged. She was very attached to me and I thought, it doesn't add up. She was 2 years and 6 months old when I finally gathered my courage to have her assessed but we still had to wait for a couple of months to be seen by a developmental pediatrician as the queuing was long. I did not wait. I called clinics from other cities to get a booking for the assessment and finally, after a month, I was able to have her checked. Turns out, my suspicion was right. My daughter was diagnosed under Autism Spectrum Disorder. I should have trusted my instincts and had her checked when I had the suspicion but I was afraid. See the 'I' there? I was afraid. My daughter wasn't, my daughter did not understand nor care. Of course, because she depended on me for food, for care, and on my better judgement but I failed her because I thought more of myself rather than doing what's best for her. 

Today, we are still benefiting from early diagnosis and I'm glad that I did not let my denial get in the way. She is now having occupational therapy, speech therapy, and swimming, which helps her a lot. My daughter is highly functional but her diagnosis gives us different kinds of challenges everyday but I could not be any more proud of her. She is my greatest achievement and the things that she overcomes and achieves everyday are my achievements too.

If you think that your child might have autism, here are my unsolicited advice:

• Have your child checked. There is nothing wrong with being sure. There is something wrong with assuming that there is nothing wrong even if there is. 
• Trust your instincts. Mother knows best as they say. A lot of people might give you their advice and their insights but in the end, you get to decide. Listen to the good advice, stash the bad ones and save it for never. 
• Allow yourself to be sad, and yes for a time, get depressed but not too much. Remember that it's not about you. It is about that little one who entrusts his or her entire life to you. So make a decision. Sulk and get nothing or man-up and fight for your child.
• Take time to rest and unwind. This is a special advise given to me by my daughter's doctor. My daughter depends on me and when I get burnt out, it is not only me who suffer but my daughter too. Going to appointments, therapy sessions and teaching your child everyday is a very exhausting job so take time to: Rest, Recharge, and Take On another day.

Good luck! And just so you know, you're on the right track.