Managing Separation Anxiety: Week 1

Our problem with separation anxiety had been going on for a while. My daughter have been very clingy from the very beginning, as far as I can remember. I can't go to the bathroom without her tagging along, can't take a bath without leaving the bathroom open or we take a bath together. Whenever she is in the living room, I have to keep the bedroom door open so she can see me. If I am not within sight, she immediately looks for me all around the house; opening each door and checking every room while crying and screaming. Things usually get worse when we are in an unfamiliar crowd because it triggers both her separation and stranger anxiety. I dreaded parties, get togethers and reunions because these spell body aches and sores that I get from all the clinging and restraining.

Since she was diagnosed with ASD, I became more understanding and receptive to her needs. One of the ways that we thought would help her was exposing her to a new environment, to new and old people everyday, and enroll her to play school. Within 3 months of doing these almost daily, we saw significant changes with her anxiety towards strangers. She became more at ease even with new people and participating fairly well at playschool, although we managed to address her stranger anxiety the separation anxiety remained. I sit with her inside the room during therapies, stay with her inside the playschool and still does the same routine at home (taking her to the bathroom, opening doors, etc.) We already tried to manage the anxiety once before with her therapist but she fell ill for two weeks so our progress was cut short and so we had to start all over again. So here's the start of my weekly account of my 3 year old daughter's separation anxiety management.

Week 1

I have written in my previous blog post not to start teaching another skill unless you and your child are both ready. Teaching a new skill can be emotionally and physically draining for you and learning a new skill can do the same to your child.The first day was filled with screaming and a lot of tears. No matter how I prepared myself, her crying was like a prompt for me to pick her up and fight off whatever or whoever that made her cry. I fought against myself and my overprotective maternal instincts and waited patiently. Her occupational therapist said she followed every instruction and was very receptive but he let me in after 15 minutes to calm her down. My being there also served as a positive reinforcement. So this was the first day.

Second day. Following verbal instructions without being prompted. I stayed outside the room for the whole hour. She cried and screamed for 15 minutes but quieted down after. She improved in terms of listening to her therapist and following instructions. With our previous therapy sessions she clinged to me when I was inside the room to avoid doing her tasks.

The third day was a session with her speech therapist. She screamed for half an hour but most of it was to try to manipulate the people around her. My daughter knows only very few words but on that day she was able to say 'eat cake', 'brush teeth', 'water', and 'go away'. 

The process of teaching her to get rid of her separation anxiety might be a lot of work and emotionally stressful for the both of us but I am very positive that it will open her mind to listen to others, learn more, and slowly become independent.

How Did Autism Happen? No One Knows For Sure But This Video Gave Me So Much Clarity

If you are a mom like me who is fond of research and Googling symptoms (not a good idea, you always end up having cancer or dead if you don't know which information to weed out and which to consider) then you are probably looking all over the internet for reasons why your child or that child you saw in the grocery store having a meltdown got Autism. When my daughter's diagnosis was confirmed, that's what I did. I immediately took out my handy dandy laptop and started my research. The first culprit was the gene, so my husband and I tried to look within our family tree for signs and symptoms but we could not find any. The second was vaccination and I blindly put the blame to this until I saw this eye opening video from TED Talks. 

Since my daughter got diagnosed with ASD, it became my advocacy to spread autism awareness. Sharing what I know about autism to parents like me or to other people who wants to understand is my primary goal. When people understand then the world will be a better place for my daughter and for all the children and adults with autism.  I also believe that early diagnosis and therefore intervention are keys to help them learn and cope with their delays. 

Are You A Parent to A Child In The Autism Spectrum? Try Reading Chicken Soup for The Soul: Raising Kids On The Spectrum

       Last December of 2015, I received the most perfect gift that anybody could give me for Christmas. At that time my daughter's diagnosis was still very fresh to me and the Autism diagnosis kept ringing in my ears. I was very busy with non-stop hovering on what to do. Learning the things that I could do at home to reinforce her therapy sessions, immersing myself with Google information, and succumbing to grief when I am alone were my favorite past time. Yes, I was grieving. Grieving for the loss of my daughter's future when her life is still about to start. I was crying for the dreams that I have for her that would only remain in my dreams. I was mourning for the teacup parties and the mother-daughter shopping time that would never happen. I was in pain, yet I had to be strong for her, so in those moments when doubt and uncertainty would start creeping in to my mind, I turned to busying myself with finding a solution or a miraculous cure. That made me very exhausted. 

       It was after our annual Christmas party at the Light of Jesus community that my friend handed me a book wrapped in fancy paper. When I opened the gift, I was almost in tears at the thought that someone understood how I felt and knew how I needed consolation. The gift was a book called Chicken Soup for The Soul: Raising Kids on the Spectrum. Maybe it was the look on my face that made her say 'am I not the best gift giver?' and yes, I did admit (not only for the sake of friendship) that she was.

       At first I vowed to read one story daily but I could not help myself but to read more than I promised myself. The book not only gave me hope but some ideas that helped me devise plans and activities that we could try out. I held on to the hope that other parents from the book had and borrowed strength from their experiences. I realized that I was not alone in parenting a child with autism and that some difficulties that I had were no match to some of theirs. I had a glimpse of the probabilities of what I have to face in the future and got myself prepared ahead of time. I prepared both for the good and the bad but mostly held on to the good that gave me hope. I realized that we are still at the beginning of the journey and my daughter can still do a lot of things and accomplish a lot of things. Yes, she might have some limitations but given the resources and opportunity, I am sure that she will be able to do it. 

       Today, somehow I already made my own formula of doing things. My daughter has improved tremendously, but again, we are still at the start of the journey. We will still be going through a lot of things and face many obstacles, but the inspiration that I got from this book will last me a lifetime and if I ever feel the need to refresh and renew then I could always go back and read my favorite pages. To Cherry, my friend, the best gift giver...I will forever be grateful! :)