When I look at you, I know what God has sent me to do.

Everybody is searching for their purpose in life, I for one did. In my teenage years and even up to adulthood I still wonder what that purpose would be for me. I know that I was created to do something great, to do something admirable and to accomplish great things-I just feel it in my bones. I thought of something big, something grand and noble. It was not up to a week ago that I finally realize what God has sent me out to do. 

Starting a family, I had my very own vision of what and how I want things to be. I already planned out how life will be for me, my husband and my kids. It was ideal and it was perfect! On top of it all, I would be having a great career, something that would change the world or something that would impact many lives. That was me. That was my vision. Then along came the Autism.

Dreams were abandoned, goals and visions were changed and life shifted to something that I wasn't prepared for. For almost 3 years since my daughter's diagnosis, we have been to therapies, school, and swimming and exposing her to almost anything that we can think of to be able to help her. This became my life. My world revolved around my daughter and her needs and to think of better ways on how I could better help her. Then one day I thought about my dreams and thought about all the what-ifs and asking myself if there will ever be a chance to reach those dreams. God has planted a very strong dream in my heart and I know it- the dream to do something great! 

As I was looking for spiritual enrichment, I came across Youtube videos of Ravi Zacharias (upon the recommendation of my younger brother). Ravi is a christian apologist, best selling author, and a preacher. From one of his sermons I began to finally understand and internalize the phrase "a child is a gift from God". A child is not given to you by accident but with a purpose. The life of a child is not only a life of a single person but it could mean the future of a generation and the future of the whole nation. Right now I do not know what lies ahead for my daughter and myself but I know that every person-adult or child are meant and created to do great things. Everything that we do in this life could impact the lives of others, whether we like it or not. The littlest things that we do could contribute to a great change in the life of another. Our child may he or she be verbal or non verbal is in this world for a reason, just like we are. They are not here for a lesser purpose but for the same reason just as you and I. 

After a long time of searching, I finally know what my life's purpose is. When I look at my child, I finally know what God has sent me to do. God has sent me to do great things for a life not less than that of others, but for someone who was created for a purpose just like any other person in this world. I may never know why she is created differently but all that I need to know is that she was created fearfully and wonderfully by my God, my savior.

The Overwhelming Life With Our Child On The Autism Spectrum: Are You Overwhelmed?

Photo credits to: PiE Square Photography https://goo.gl/w4iRrY
and ICARE https://goo.gl/2TfuPc

Exhausted, spent, tensed and stressed out. These were the words that defined me for the past years since my daughter's diagnosis of Autism. After I got the confirmation from her developmental pediatrician that my suspicions were true I did not give myself time to sulk and jumped right into looking for solutions instead. I thought to myself that the earlier the intervention, the

better. I was silently hoping that if I do whatever that was asked of me to do for my child, she would get well. Although I knew that Autism is a lifelong disability, I did not yet understand the entirety and full weight of the case. I started working very hard to continue with her therapies at home. I pressed myself and pressed my daughter even more for an outcome. I was pushing myself so hard but I was pushing her harder. At that time, that was the only method that I knew to make her understand and to make her perform in certain activities. I wasn't just her mom, I was her stay-at-home therapist, driver, nurse, care giver, teacher, and disciplinarian. I had trouble with balancing life especially with her. I felt like if I stopped being all these even for a moment, I would lose that chance of helping her get better.

Everyday I got so tired and everyday I was burning out. Everyday I kept pushing and pushing and yes there were results but the tantrums were getting more frequent. There were shouting at home and worsening breakdowns every time we drove home. Every scream rang in my ears like an irritating school bell and I responded with rage intending to make her feel that I am more superior. We had frequent fights and there were times when we fought everyday for a week. I thought that this routine was normal since my daughter have special needs and that it was a must so that I can make her understand. I thought that there were no other ways of doing it. 

Then I started to have problems with the shouting. It was becoming frequent and uncontrollable. I worked with her therapists and we tried to look for ways to reduce the shouting but the progress was very slow. Then I thought of doing it differently at home. I shouted less and pushed her less. I just settled with what she can do but did it routinely. It was my husband (who comes home from working abroad twice in year) that actually showed me the way. He was calmer, more relaxed, and less tensed when dealing with our daughter and they were happy. Then I thought that maybe I was pushing her too much and focused so much on what she can achieve rather than celebrate what she can do, settle in that milestone for a moment to rest and take a break before we move on. 

I decided to relax and let my daughter be herself. Less restrictions and more fun time. Less pushing and more understanding. More feeling and child-led learning. Then her shouting reduced until it eventually stopped. The tantrums became less frequent and there were no more meltdowns. Everything went better at home but the reality that sunk in to me was painful. My daughter was not innately hot-headed, she copied it from me. She reflected me. She was tensed, pressured, and stressed out like I was. That day I learned a very important lesson from the little kid that I teach everyday. She couldn't say it and doesn't know how, but like me, she too was overwhelmed and burnt out. 

Here are some of the things that I learned:

1. Your child breathes in your energy. They copy what you do and they feel what you emanate. It is very important that you take care of yourself. Have a break when you need to. There could be times when you need to detach yourself from home and have a day all to yourself. Do not feel guilty when you take a break, you need it! The happier you become, the happier your child will be. You cannot give what you do not have. You have to be happy first before you can give out that happiness.

2. Your child feels your determination. Every time I teach her something new, I always make sure that I am fueled by the determination to let her learn what I want her to learn. The most effective teaching sessions that we've had were when I was passionate with what I was teaching her. I just know that she can feel my drive and understands this is what she needs to learn. It is also important to play on her interests to be able to get her attention and for her to focus on the task at hand. Make learning time fun and interesting.

3. Find the right balance. It is difficult to wear different hats at a time and it can be very exhausting. Looking for the right balance will take some time and a lot of trial and error but if you find the right equation you can breathe easy.

4. Autism will always be autism. Acceptance means a lot of things but acceptance does not mean giving up on your child. The hard reality with this diagnosis is that it is life long. No cure has been found yet and it is not rocket-science. Nothing is definite. There are good times, bad times, and worse times. You will go through an emotional roller coaster. What keeps me hopeful is my faith. Faith in the Lord (Romans 8:28 And we know all things work for good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose) and faith in my daughter. Our love for her is unconditional, we love her no matter what and she doesn't need to prove anything or achieve unimaginable things for us to love her with all our hearts.

5. Dream Big. "Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." -Norman Vincent Peale 

How overwhelmed are you? take a break and reconnect with what gives you happiness. You are your child's best example. Now, I believe that we have found our perfect balance. Not everything is perfect, tantrums still come from time to time but we are happier and I am calmer. At 4 years old she's starting to read. She recognizes my emotions and knows when to ask for an apology. And we resolve our quarrels with "I'm sorry please" (with her, almost everything ends with please). She is advancing with her reading albeit a little slow but we know we are getting there. I became firm but understanding and I learned how to do that because she taught me to. I learned how to listen to unspoken words and may God give us all the grace to continually do so. 

Surviving Your Child's First Tooth Extraction Under Oral Sedation

Like any other firsts, my daughter's first tooth extraction had been a source of my anxiety and for a time was the reason I don't sleep well at night. Apart from the thought of seeing her tooth being pulled out with all the gore that comes with the procedure, I dreaded the fact that she would be sedated. Some of the worries were: 

1. my daughter has Autism and subjecting her to sedation with oral sedatives might cause her to regress. 

2. I worried about untoward reactions like allergic reaction to the drug. 

3. I was worried about the trauma that it might cause her. Having a tooth being pulled out at a young age might cause her long term trauma.

I did a lot of research and asking around to get myself better prepared. I actually held back a lot of times making it the reason why my daughter's tooth became painful and the extraction had to be scheduled before infection and swelling sets in. So let me share some points that I thought helped me a lot before, during, and after the procedure. 

A. Find a good pediatric dentist.

Pedia dentists have a better understanding of children's behavior and will be able to deal with your children with the right amount of care and understanding. Also, they have the patience of a saint. They always encounter tantrums so you don't have to worry about your kid acting-out because that's probably what they see everyday. Most of them are specialized in dealing with children who have special needs. Make it a point to have your child's tooth checked as early as possible.

B. Prepare yourself!

You need to be physically, emotionally, financially, and mentally prepared. 

You are surely going to see your kid cry and beg like never before and you would have to be emotionally stronger than ever to resist scooping them up from that dental chair and head out running. Having a bloody tooth being pulled out from my daughter's mouth felt like my heart muscles were being ripped apart!

Be physically prepared. My daughter always puts up a good fight-physical fight. So I made sure that I are a full meal, emptied my bladder, and slept at least 6 hours straight before the procedure. My daughter is 4 years old but she is very strong.

Prepare financially. Tooth extraction alone does not cost much but when oral sedation is necessary, you would have to prepare about 4,000-5,000 pesos. In our case, we spent more than 6,000 pesos for a tooth extraction and a filling. This amount did not include obtaining clearances. Before being administered with an oral sedative, the doctors need to make sure that your kid is in excellent physical health. No lung or nose congestion or fever before the procedure. Presence of those mentioned above within 24 hours before the procedure, would mean cancellation. Clearances will only be valid for 48 hours, so make sure you don't get it earlier than that. 

Do not panic! After the procedure you have to be quick to identify common post local anesthesia complications such as cheek, tongue, and lip biting. We struggled more with sores in the mouth and cheek and as well as in the tongue than recovering from the extracted tooth. Expect that your child will still be groggy and will not regain balance until the medication wears off (in about 1 to 2 hours or after the 3rd pee) Make sure that you do not let your kid walk by himself/herself. He/she has to be supported and assisted at all times to avoid any injury.

Find time to know more about oral sedation or general anesthesia for dental procedures. There are cases where General anesthetics are needed for dental procedures. Oral sedation on the other hand is a pretty common procedure especially in younger and non-cooperative patients. Being sedated also makes sure that the procedure is done safely and swiftly. 

Prepare your child and explain the procedure. Explain to your kid what the procedure would be and why it should be done. Some sugar-coating would not hurt and throw in some fairy stories and a bit of magic. 

To date, my daughter already had tooth extraction twice and it was better the second time, It was like she was more aware of the procedure and what to expect of it. As for the regression, it did not happen-I just wasted my time worrying myself to death. She is now in Nursery at a regular school and just started with reading tutorial. I am hopeful that there will come a time when there will be no need for my daughter to be sedated during tooth extraction or for any dental procedure. I'm positive we can do it and you can do it too!

Include us, Teach us 'how', Ask us 'what'

Dear Family, Friends, Teachers, New Acquaintances, and Strangers,

My kid has Autism and she is different in many ways- like all children are unique from one another.

Sometimes, she displays odd behaviors like shouting when she gets frustrated and she often does. 

She spins when happy or bored or overwhelmed. She sometimes like to talk loud and become noisy in places where she needs to be silent, like in church.

She has difficulty with social interaction and processing questions or information so sometimes she might not respond right away when you ask her what her name is. She might not look you in the eye and shy away from your hand shakes.

As odd as it may seem, My four year old doesn't know how to properly play with children her age. She doesn't enjoy tea parties, or playing mommy with her dolls. She doesn't enjoy Frozen, Moana, or The Little Mermaid.

Sometimes, she goes in to tantrums in public places and a number of times it turns into meltdowns.

She has limited words and very few sentences.

All these make my daughter different, odd, and rather unfit in a world where people  value competence, academic excellence, and conformity.

But I tell you this, teach her how and she will learn because she understands. Her mind may work differently but that makes her unique, and, who knows it might make the world a better place one day. Teach her the things that you would teach a typical kid, show her the things that you can both work on and you'll see, that with practice, she will be able to do it on her own. Take time to bend a knee and talk to her about the things that you see and one day when she finds her voice, she might talk back and recount the things that she learned from you. Teach her the things that you know and I assure you that your time is not wasted. The precious information that you share will go into a different kind of mind who may see things on a perspective not the same as yours but my assurance is that it will go into a mind that works differently but certainly not less.

Ask her 'what'. What do you see? What do you hear? What makes you happy? What makes you sad? What are you thinking? What do you want? She might not get it at this time but she wants you to ask even if she doesn't answer because sometimes all she wants is consideration. Consider her feelings, and include her in your discussions. Sometimes, she might appear like she is not listening but she does. Ask her 'what' like you would ask a typical kid and you might be surprised that she knows the answers to your questions and shock you with how profound she understands some things. Oftentimes, she might not give you the right answer but I will go back and ask you again to teach her how. 

This is a plea form a mother, a plea that I'm sure many other parents of children on the spectrum would want to ask of you... INCLUDE US, TEACH US HOW, ASK US WHAT. All we need is an opportunity.

Success is a Matter of Self-Perspective in Autism

Since the diagnosis of my daughter to be in the Autism Spectrum, I made her my personal life-long project. I devoted my time, my skills and expertise to her learning and development. To other parents, saying "their children's success is their success too" this much heard about phrase is much too personal to me. Her heartache is my heart ache, her struggles are mine, and her achievements are my medals and affirmation that I am doing things right. However, autism is loaded with unpredictability-one time she's doing well and then on another she's back to her old unreachable self.  

It has already been a year since we started this battle of pulling her out of the autism "trance". The struggle is hard and exhausting. Everyday, your pull needs to be stronger than

autism and this thought only makes the fight harder. I look at my child and think of her future and thousands of pictures rush in my mind: Will she get there? Will she be able to make it? I struggle with this roller-coaster, a series of ups and downs and it certainly doesn't help seeing other children and comparing my daughter to them. I ask some questions like "am I doing enough?" "are there things that I have haven't done?" "why are some kids like that and mine like this?"These questions often drown me and weigh me down. Other people's opinion became my bench mark of success and it has cost me too much pain and loads of stress. In a span of one year I have several realizations:

• NEVER COMPARE. Comparison will get you nowhere. Your child is wired differently than the other. Your child's capabilities and gifts, strengths, and weaknesses are not the same as other children. We are made to be unique and made to be different. Autism or no autism, one will always be different from the other.
• TIME IS AN ESSENTIAL VARIABLE. Progress is something that needs time and you need to wait it out. You wait for them to mature and to understand because they will mature and they do understand! You wait for them to be ready and to open up because they will be ready and they will open up! 
• APPRECIATE YOUR SMALL AND BIG ACHIEVEMENTS. Progress no matter how small is still progress. The most important thing is that you try your best to improve. With the little steps that you make, you will one day look back and realize that you have already covered so many miles.
• CELEBRATE YOUR PROGRESS. My daughter and I have made several achievements already and each time she does it, we celebrate it with cheer, singing, laughter, and a little ice cream. I have observed that she values that kind of appreciation. It is heart warming to think that she values my happiness. When I show her that what she does makes me happy, she makes good at it.
• DON'T GET STUCK IN DENIAL. Accept that there are things that your child cannot do but despite that there are also things that he or she can be good at. I love my daughter for the good and the bad. No matter what she does and how she turns out to be that love will always be constant. The things that I do for her and the hard work that we're putting to working on her progress are just manifestations of that love. And when there is love without expectations, without conditions then there will be no pressure and no stress. No pressure and no stress makes a conducive venue for learning.

Your success may not fit another man's measure. Let not your child be a subject to yours or other people's gauge of success. Learn when to push and go with the flow and pace of his/her development. 

To God be all the Honor and Glory!

Special Kids and Tantrums: How You Can Help

Tantrum is the word that we dread but have learned to accept. As a mom to a special kid, I live and breathe tantrum. I eat tantrum for breakfast, lunch, and dinner but I am sorry to say that I haven't mastered handling tantrums up to this time. For a kid with special needs, a tantrum could be because of literally anything or even everything under the sun. It could be because of the chips that he wants to eat, you picked the color of the shirt that he doesn't like, the sun's glare is too bright or simply being unable to express frustration, pain, a want or need. A tantrum is unpredictable and inevitable. While we parents of our special angels strive to expose them to various environment and scenarios, we are always faced with the risk of dealing with a tantrum.

For neuro typical children, a tantrum could be crying out loud, screaming, rolling on the floor, or hitting somebody they are mad at. Their tantrums are similar to children with special needs, but because our children are special, the tantrums could be extra special too. Our screams could be much louder and longer, rolling on the floor could be accompanied

by head banging on the floor or the wall, biting, and yes hitting too. While neuro typical children can sometimes if not most of the time be dealt with reason or bargaining, there is much less of that probability for a special kid. For our kids, tantrums cannot be reasoned out with, tantrums are uncontrollable, and sometimes, the only way for them to express pain or need.

I cannot anymore count with my fingers how many times my daughter had a tantrum in a public place. For some reason, she loves to have a tantrum in a public place. Thankfully, in our case, my daughter is young enough for her tantrums to be considered forgivable by others. However, I wonder what will happen if we don't get passed this stage and we carry it on until she grows older (say 16 years old). Will I still meet the same empathetic faces? Will I still get a nod saying it's okay? or Will I be judged as a bad mother for allowing my daughter to lash out in a public place given her age? These questions gave me an an answer as to why I don't see much of older kids with special needs strolling in the mall or public places. Some of us parents are afraid to be judged or ridiculed. I do not want this to happen to me and my daughter, I want her to stroll with me until my legs allow me to walk with her. Even if I am 90 and she is 64, I want to walk with her hand-in-hand tantrums or no tantrums. When the time comes, I do not want judgmental eyes to meet mine, I do not want eyes full of ridicule to be looking at me. I want to see eyes of people who are educated and aware of children with special needs how they act and why they act a certain way. I still want to see people giving me a nod or a pat on the back saying 'it will be okay'. The struggles of parents with special needs are kept unknown to many, especially to third world countries like ours. Our struggles and the struggles of our special children depresses us, makes us sad and helpless but their little achievements erases all the negativity away and we take pride in it. 

Since my daughter got diagnosed with ASD I imposed it upon myself to be an advocate not only for my daughter but to many others like her. Advocacy in educating other people what it means to be special-that they are not different but genuine. I believe in humanity and I believe that there is kindness in everyone. The next time you see our kid/s having a tantrum, please do us a favor and do the following:

1. Ignore. The best thing that you can do. 

2. Keep your unsolicited advice (unless you are an expert or an authority in this field). Believe me we know what we are doing.

3. Do not talk about us in whispers especially not right where we can see you. 

4. For extreme cases, do offer help but we ask your forgiveness in advance if we won't be able to respond to you the right way or have to decline your offer. Stress can get the better of us.

5. Have a little room for consideration. Our child might step on your toes, bump on you, or distract you with the noises that they make, believe me they don't mean to do it. I know they would stop it if they just knew how, but sadly, it can be very difficult for them, so please give some allowances.

All of us are different but ours are Special and we are loving it!

To God be all the Glory!

We're now at SPED School!

I have been away from my computer keyboard for a while because I have been very busy. I know I promised myself to always post an update so that when the time comes I'll be able to read, look back, and remember all the things that Glimmer and I have been through. One other purpose is to somehow give an insight to moms who are new to this type of parenting. Because there is a huge difference in parenting neuro typical children and children with special needs.

So, my daughter Glimmer is now 3 years and 6 months old and our developmental pediatrician recommended us to enroll Glimmer in a SPED school. To be honest I was a bit hesitant, I wanted my daughter to attend regular school (I think all mothers do) but I waved away another emerging hint of denial and just followed the doctor's order. The school offered a 2 week summer class for free if you enroll your kid for the coming school year so we proceeded. On the first day, my daughter cried for a whole hour (the class was 4 hours in total) She was pulled out from the classroom and was catered to a one-on-one session with the school's director. When we went home I was a bit disappointed, I thought we already managed our separation anxiety issues but it turned out we haven't quite perfected that part just yet. I wasn't that down hearted, after all it was just out first day and I should give my daughter some time to adjust. The second day was unexpected. She went inside the classroom with no fuss and behaved well the entire time and I thought that her adjustment was kind of fast and I was proud of her because of that. Fast forward to today, we are now in the middle of the school year and she is doing great! The school has monthly activities that I personally look forward to at the end of the month where students' learning and talents are showcased and exposure to socialization is being practiced. I also like the fact that each student have their Individualized Education Program where students are assessed according to their own capacity so they learn at their own pace. It gives no pressure to each student to keep up with the others. When Glimmer attends class, I wait at the canteen with the other parents and guardians that also wait for their kids. I met new friends, gathered new ideas and techniques that helped the other parents with their kids. More importantly, I met people who I can relate to, I realized that their struggles are no different with mine. We share the same pain and we have the same goal. I am certain that Glimmer enjoys going to school everyday as much as I do. On weekends, she often says 'kool' 'kool' (school) when she wakes up in the morning. I explain to her that there is no school on weekends and she will oblige until we get to the car (going somewhere else) then she starts saying 'kool' again.

Glimmer at the school grounds with Matty boy

I appreciate the teachers who are very patient and are very passionate with what they do. I can see their love towards their work and dedication to their students. They seem tireless and uses their skills in making sure that they spend ample and equal time with each student (student teacher ratio is 1 teacher:2 students).

We have been into therapy for 10 months already after her diagnosis and she might be accomplishing little things but those accomplishments are already a big deal to me. I give high credit to her Occupational therapists, Speech therapist, SPED teachers, ABA therapist and swimming coach for the improvements that she has now. To these amazing people, they might think that they are just doing their job, but to me they are creating a brighter and clearer future for my child. God bless these people!

To God be the Glory!