Special Kids and Tantrums: How You Can Help

Tantrum is the word that we dread but have learned to accept. As a mom to a special kid, I live and breathe tantrum. I eat tantrum for breakfast, lunch, and dinner but I am sorry to say that I haven't mastered handling tantrums up to this time. For a kid with special needs, a tantrum could be because of literally anything or even everything under the sun. It could be because of the chips that he wants to eat, you picked the color of the shirt that he doesn't like, the sun's glare is too bright or simply being unable to express frustration, pain, a want or need. A tantrum is unpredictable and inevitable. While we parents of our special angels strive to expose them to various environment and scenarios, we are always faced with the risk of dealing with a tantrum.

For neuro typical children, a tantrum could be crying out loud, screaming, rolling on the floor, or hitting somebody they are mad at. Their tantrums are similar to children with special needs, but because our children are special, the tantrums could be extra special too. Our screams could be much louder and longer, rolling on the floor could be accompanied

by head banging on the floor or the wall, biting, and yes hitting too. While neuro typical children can sometimes if not most of the time be dealt with reason or bargaining, there is much less of that probability for a special kid. For our kids, tantrums cannot be reasoned out with, tantrums are uncontrollable, and sometimes, the only way for them to express pain or need.

I cannot anymore count with my fingers how many times my daughter had a tantrum in a public place. For some reason, she loves to have a tantrum in a public place. Thankfully, in our case, my daughter is young enough for her tantrums to be considered forgivable by others. However, I wonder what will happen if we don't get passed this stage and we carry it on until she grows older (say 16 years old). Will I still meet the same empathetic faces? Will I still get a nod saying it's okay? or Will I be judged as a bad mother for allowing my daughter to lash out in a public place given her age? These questions gave me an an answer as to why I don't see much of older kids with special needs strolling in the mall or public places. Some of us parents are afraid to be judged or ridiculed. I do not want this to happen to me and my daughter, I want her to stroll with me until my legs allow me to walk with her. Even if I am 90 and she is 64, I want to walk with her hand-in-hand tantrums or no tantrums. When the time comes, I do not want judgmental eyes to meet mine, I do not want eyes full of ridicule to be looking at me. I want to see eyes of people who are educated and aware of children with special needs how they act and why they act a certain way. I still want to see people giving me a nod or a pat on the back saying 'it will be okay'. The struggles of parents with special needs are kept unknown to many, especially to third world countries like ours. Our struggles and the struggles of our special children depresses us, makes us sad and helpless but their little achievements erases all the negativity away and we take pride in it. 

Since my daughter got diagnosed with ASD I imposed it upon myself to be an advocate not only for my daughter but to many others like her. Advocacy in educating other people what it means to be special-that they are not different but genuine. I believe in humanity and I believe that there is kindness in everyone. The next time you see our kid/s having a tantrum, please do us a favor and do the following:

1. Ignore. The best thing that you can do. 

2. Keep your unsolicited advice (unless you are an expert or an authority in this field). Believe me we know what we are doing.

3. Do not talk about us in whispers especially not right where we can see you. 

4. For extreme cases, do offer help but we ask your forgiveness in advance if we won't be able to respond to you the right way or have to decline your offer. Stress can get the better of us.

5. Have a little room for consideration. Our child might step on your toes, bump on you, or distract you with the noises that they make, believe me they don't mean to do it. I know they would stop it if they just knew how, but sadly, it can be very difficult for them, so please give some allowances.

All of us are different but ours are Special and we are loving it!

To God be all the Glory!