Success is a Matter of Self-Perspective in Autism

Since the diagnosis of my daughter to be in the Autism Spectrum, I made her my personal life-long project. I devoted my time, my skills and expertise to her learning and development. To other parents, saying "their children's success is their success too" this much heard about phrase is much too personal to me. Her heartache is my heart ache, her struggles are mine, and her achievements are my medals and affirmation that I am doing things right. However, autism is loaded with unpredictability-one time she's doing well and then on another she's back to her old unreachable self.  

It has already been a year since we started this battle of pulling her out of the autism "trance". The struggle is hard and exhausting. Everyday, your pull needs to be stronger than

autism and this thought only makes the fight harder. I look at my child and think of her future and thousands of pictures rush in my mind: Will she get there? Will she be able to make it? I struggle with this roller-coaster, a series of ups and downs and it certainly doesn't help seeing other children and comparing my daughter to them. I ask some questions like "am I doing enough?" "are there things that I have haven't done?" "why are some kids like that and mine like this?"These questions often drown me and weigh me down. Other people's opinion became my bench mark of success and it has cost me too much pain and loads of stress. In a span of one year I have several realizations:

• NEVER COMPARE. Comparison will get you nowhere. Your child is wired differently than the other. Your child's capabilities and gifts, strengths, and weaknesses are not the same as other children. We are made to be unique and made to be different. Autism or no autism, one will always be different from the other.
• TIME IS AN ESSENTIAL VARIABLE. Progress is something that needs time and you need to wait it out. You wait for them to mature and to understand because they will mature and they do understand! You wait for them to be ready and to open up because they will be ready and they will open up! 
• APPRECIATE YOUR SMALL AND BIG ACHIEVEMENTS. Progress no matter how small is still progress. The most important thing is that you try your best to improve. With the little steps that you make, you will one day look back and realize that you have already covered so many miles.
• CELEBRATE YOUR PROGRESS. My daughter and I have made several achievements already and each time she does it, we celebrate it with cheer, singing, laughter, and a little ice cream. I have observed that she values that kind of appreciation. It is heart warming to think that she values my happiness. When I show her that what she does makes me happy, she makes good at it.
• DON'T GET STUCK IN DENIAL. Accept that there are things that your child cannot do but despite that there are also things that he or she can be good at. I love my daughter for the good and the bad. No matter what she does and how she turns out to be that love will always be constant. The things that I do for her and the hard work that we're putting to working on her progress are just manifestations of that love. And when there is love without expectations, without conditions then there will be no pressure and no stress. No pressure and no stress makes a conducive venue for learning.

Your success may not fit another man's measure. Let not your child be a subject to yours or other people's gauge of success. Learn when to push and go with the flow and pace of his/her development. 

To God be all the Honor and Glory!